When It Feels Like Nothing is Happening

I recently shared with you some of the lessons I learned from my experience having Lyme, particularly around being forced to recognize and respect my limits.

I wanted to share something else I learned that really surprised me and that I believe will be life-changing, if I can just remember.

I’m thrilled, but I am also a bit overwhelmed. As my capacity has increased, there is so much that I want to read, learn and write about. I just want to work more, to feel more useful again. 

I was incredibly lucky that I was able to continue to do my coaching work while I had the Lyme, though just not as much of it. Although I have had fewer clients, this felt like such a miracle. It felt so good to have confidence in that area of my life when so many other ones were so challenging. 

As I started to get better over the past year, I experienced grief over the life I didn’t get to live in the second half of my forties. I’d had an expectation that those would be really powerful years. Instead they felt like a dormant time, when I was treading water, not producing, creating, or moving forward. 

So it was a huge surprise to realize that I actually had been growing and moving forward.

But it was on the inside, and without me realizing it. I had thought I might be picking up where I left off before I got sick, but I find myself at a very different place. 

I am older, wiser, more confident. I like who I see in the mirror. I know what I know and hear myself speak with greater articulation and conviction. It seems that my coaching has gone up a level too.  I am absolutely loving the work and craving doing more. 

I have seen this process so many times with my clients, that when things aren’t happening on the outside, when things don’t seem to be moving forward, it almost always means that things are happening on the inside.

I know this to be true, but I hadn’t believed it was true for me here. It's a reminder that we don’t need to be conscious of this process for it to be happening. 

The frustration can come when we are not anticipating this part of the process, when we falsely believe that progress is measurable, linear and tangible. We check things off our to-do lists and feel accomplished. We hadn’t put this quieter time into our calendars, or life plans. Sometimes it’s a day, or a week, or as I have now discovered, it could even be years.

If only we could have faith and surrender to these crucible times. Trust that what needs to happen is happening. I know now more than ever that we are never standing still or falling backwards. 

We are growing, blossoming and becoming ever more ourselves – always. 

These seemingly dormant times are actually a critical time in our process of becoming. 

We are processing, integrating, synthesizing, and healing. But we are also preparing for the next stage, and yes, growing.

I encourage you to trust and go for the ride, and know that it will never follow a straight line. 

When things aren’t happening on the outside it means they’re happening on the inside. 

We are always on our path. 

Purple crocus snow